I have people in my personal and professional life encountering "relationship issues" and desiring repair of these relationships. Actually, more than repair, we want deeper, more connected relationships. Yes, I used the word "we" so I am included in this. I realized recently that my husband and I have a great relationship and communicate very easily about just about everything. But, the things that bother us most about each other, we don't communicate. We may joke, be sarcastic or ignore what we want to express but I notice that this is where resentment comes from. This is something that creates the opposite of connection.
I brought this to his attention and he agreed that we do this and he too wants to go deeper and have a deeper connection. I know the answer to "how we do this" is vulnerability, but unfortunately our shame gets in the way so we deny our feelings.
When I think of humans creating deep connections I realize so much of our "stuff" gets in the way which can block deep connections.
What occurs to me is that this "stuff" is so often our shame.
As I sat and contemplated all of this today, a client "ironically" emailed me the link to Brene Brown's video on shame. Timing???
I had seen this when it first came out and hadn't seen it since. I watched it again today and heard so many new points that I had missed the first time. If you have seen it in the past, I encourage you to watch it again. It's so good!
We cannot connect deeply with another if we are not being vulnerable and feel supported by another. What's ironic is that to support someone else is also being not only empathetic but also vulnerable.
What this means to me is that both parties must step into their vulnerability, acknowledge their shame but don't let it stop you, in order to connect deeply.
This is really moving....enjoy. Love you all.