What Movie are You Projecting?

When we get triggered by another, we blame, get angry, tell our friends/family about it and want the person that triggered us to suffer. We become the victim.

What's true is that we are the creator of our own life. We project our thoughts, beliefs, emotional wounds etc out into the world and they create our own personal home movie. Our friends and family are all staring in it and we are the lead actor.

I was feeling disappointed and upset with my husband for not showing up for me last night when I really needed him. I was on a time line and really needed his help. When I got home, I got a note that he was at the movies until 10pm. Which left me to "do it alone...again." 

Last night, my first reaction was to blame him and feel sorry for myself. But I knew that it was my projection of something that I needed to look at. 

I sat with it this morning and asked myself what belief I have about "doing things by myself and not getting help." I certainly can fall into the "poor me" place on occasion when I feel let down by someone in my life. The tape in my mind says, "Once again, I have to always take care of everything, I get no help around here!"

I realized that I have a belief that I can do it "better" and it's hard for me to trust others to do it as well as me. It basically doesn't feel safe to let go of control, so it's best to take care of things by myself. I take care of most our financial dealings, pay bills, pride myself on being "the negotiator" when needing to buy something etc the list goes on and on. I remember taking ballroom dance lessons with my husband years ago and we had to drop out as I couldn't let him lead! LOL

It was a huge epiphany for me to realize this belief about control and my lack of letting go and trusting someone else could do help as well as I can do it. 

It's not his fault for not being there for me last night, and it's not mine either. (No blaming ourselves for faulty beliefs). HIS ACTIONS WERE A PERFECT MIRROR FOR MY BELIEF. He played his role perfectly in my home movie. I projected out my belief and he showed up and acted accordingly. 

After becoming aware of this belief, I sat with it and had a dialogue with myself about trusting and letting others take the lead, to help me when I need it. It feels scary but I know that I am willing to try. 

Awareness is the first key to changing these beliefs. Now when I notice myself not trusting, I can choose again and surrender (see post below on surrendering). 

I am grateful for all of this, I was able to uncover yet another belief that doesn't serve me. 

Try to notice your own "personal home movie" and uncover some of your projections. Then sit with it, you never know what's behind the curtain.