Stop talking about your past! At least the part of it that doesn’t serve you. When we talk about something from our past that doesn’t serve us, it keeps us stuck in the past! I caught myself today telling a friend part of my (past) story on how my uncle treated me and my family and how he ruined part of my childhood, blah, blah, blah…. I have told that story 100’s of times. I stopped myself mid-sentence and said, “I am not going to continue that story anymore.” “It keeps me stuck in my past and I can’t move on from it!” “I am done, please don’t ever let me speak of that again, it doesn’t serve me.”
Wow, did that feel empowering!
One of my clients needs validation from her friends, family and co-workers because she never got it as a child from her parents. Her mother ignored her and her father stood by and watched. It’s a great “story” that creates drama but also keeps her stuck in the past re-living an unnecessary part of her past as a victim. She never felt accepted so longs now for that acceptance from others and loses herself and her self worth to try and get that acceptance from others. It’s a story that comes up on a regular basis and she sees the patterning throughout her life and how this belief limits her in her current life experience. She has recently told me she is ready to “let it go.”
Another client has told me about her husband who was controlling and took her power away. She speaks of how he “ruined her.” She has been divorced from him for over 10 years! She speaks as if he just said something controlling to her 5 minutes ago. It keeps her stuck in her past when she talks about it. She will stay in the victim mode of “My ex-husband ruined me,” and her life will revolve around that powerful belief until she decides to let go of being a victim.
When we keep talking about our hurt or pain from the past it keeps us stuck there, as victims. Whether it happened 10 minutes ago or 10 years ago we literally step back in time and relive that story energetically.
Reminiscing about positive past experiences is wonderful. It creates many positive benefits to the mind and body. If it’s a negative story from our past, we step into and feel that pain, heartache and suffering all over again. We create drama by re-telling a worn out story that doesn’t serve us anymore. We get un-necessary “sympathy energy” from others.
The worst of it is that our brains do not know if we are experiencing it now or 10 years ago. All that our brain knows is NOW so when we are re-telling our old story it is giving us the physical, mental and emotional experience all over again as if it’s happening this very instance! We tax our adrenals and put unnecessary stress on our entire system.
How do we stop?
Become aware of what we are feeling in every moment. We are like broken records telling others about our past. We must become aware of how our past stories make us feel. If when we are talking about something and it is making us feel bad physically (tightness/constriction anywhere in the body, shortness of breath, rapid heart rate etc) or emotionally (sadness, grief, anger etc.) then STOP telling the story! I realized today while telling my friend my uncle story that my energy had dropped and I was getting mad and felt like a victim all over again, even though I was telling a story from over 30 years ago!
What to do instead?
Either change the subject completely and/or make light of it and say something like, “There I go again, keeping myself stuck in the past.”
Another option is to ask yourself, "Is there a blessing in disguise?" "What good came from it?"
What I said to my friend was, “As much pain as my uncle caused my family, the situation did cause me to be strong and to speak up for myself, what a great asset to have in life.”
This is a great exercise of self empowerment and awareness. Becoming aware of how we feel in the moment will create a balanced life by steering clear of the past negative events that throw us off course.