Can You Accept What Feels Bad?


Sometimes I get into situations where I feel like I have no options. It creates a feeling of hopelessness. I am talking about when I can’t go back in time and make new choices for my kids or for my own life and it makes me sad.  One of the instances when I fall into this feeling is when I start day dreaming about moving closer to my friends and family in another state.  The problem is that after 7 years of being away, my kids are doing well, are in great schools, and my husbands job is now local. So I can’t move and I feel hopelessly stuck. I call times like these,  “impossible contradictions” and no matter what option I choose they both feel wrong.

What I have learned to do is to sit in the negative feeling and allow myself to feel whatever feeling the “impossible contradiction” is creating. Today I had my family leave after a wonderful visit and it brought up my longing to live near them again.

I sat and cried about it and felt the feeling of hopelessness with no options. 

After sitting in it and getting my tears out. I realized I had slipped into acceptance. “It is what it is and I am ok for today,” is the voice that I heard. For now I stay here and we will see what the future holds for me. I will practice living in the moment and see what comes next.

The heavy heart was gone, as well as the hopelessness and “stuckness.”

I have realized that when I get in this place the best thing we can do is to sit directly in the feeling and allow it to wash through us and out. It leads to peace and helps us to regain emotional balance. The only way to do this is to get the mind out of the way and let the feelings rise up.  The mind defends feelings by telling stories, making assumptions or getting in the way of the feelings coming up. It often tries to numb them out or depress them.

When we push these feelings down and bury them it can lead to not only sadness but if we linger in it, or push the feelings down too long, it can lead to depression. Having the mind try and find a solution to our pain and not allowing us to feel, leads to ruminating thoughts and possibly anxiety. Anxiety is the brain/heart battle. Let the heart win, allow yourself to feel and you will find acceptance lives right around the corner.