Our Most Important Relationship

One of the most important relationships we can have is with ourselves. We live in a go go go society and spend little time checking in with ourselves and noticing what we are feeling.

One of the keys to healing and living authentically is to know what we are feeling. Our feelings are powerful and most of us shy away from (or are terrified) of our negative feelings.

We have a full spectrum of emotions and they all land somewhere between love and fear. Most people let themselves allow either happy or sad in and stop there. This stopping or blocking our feelings limits us and our potential for full living. The further we can venture down the "negative emotional side" of the spectrum the opposite holds true and the more love, joy and happiness we can experience.

Here is a secret....we ALL experience loneliness, shame, “I'm a fraud,” “I don't matter” “I’m a failure” etc. but we spend our lives trying to cover these types of feelings up. We believe we are the only one that feels this way. We use vice after vice but they don't stop rising up. When we can allow ourselves to feel them, we are set free. We realize we won't die (this is the unconscious fear of feeling negative emotions).

We don't learn how to feel our feelings, (our parents didn't teach us), in fact most people encourage us to "get over it" and "move on" when we are in a negative state.

I heard Jill Bolte Taylor say that when we are fully feeling an emotion,  it only lasts about 90 seconds! The reason our feelings linger is because we sit in resistance to them. The mind gets in a battle with the body. The body has the emotion rising up and the mind pushes it down. So we get stuck in it, lingering in our pain.

Our goal is to allow all of our feelings come up and pass through us. The next time you feel like reaching for a glass of wine or that piece of cake, or zoning out on tv, ask yourself what you are feeling first. Sit in it and breathe it through. Watch what happens to your "craving." You may be surprised.

Why it’s Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound

I came across this post by Bethany Webster and it resonated so deeply with me I wanted to point you to it. It’s a very powerful post on healing our mother wounds. Great information for those of us that are looking for empowerment and healing. 

Difficulty and challenges between mothers and daughters are rampant and widespread but not openly spoken about. The taboo about speaking about the pain of the mother wound is what keeps it in place and keeps it hidden in shadow, festering and out of view.

And later... 

Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential.

However, if she doesn't internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection.

The daughter doesn’t want to risk losing her mother’s love and approval, so internalizing these limiting, unconscious beliefs is a form of loyalty and emotional survival for the daughter.

So powerful!

Bethany joined us for an amazing conversation the mother wound can dramatically impact our most important relationships, from our relationship with ourselves, to our partners and spouses, to our children as they grow up. Listen in on that great podcast episode here.

Read the rest at Womb of Light!

Would You Like to Experience Deeper More Connected Relationships?

I have people in my personal and professional life encountering "relationship issues" and desiring repair of these relationships. Actually, more than repair, we want deeper, more connected relationships. Yes, I used the word "we" so I am included in this. I realized recently that my husband and I have a great relationship and communicate very easily about just about everything. But, the things that bother us most about each other, we don't communicate. We may joke, be sarcastic or ignore what we want to express but I notice that this is where resentment comes from. This is something that creates the opposite of connection.

I brought this to his attention and he agreed that we do this and he too wants to go deeper and have a deeper connection. I know the answer to "how we do this"  is vulnerability, but unfortunately our shame gets in the way so we deny our feelings.

When I think of humans creating deep connections I realize so much of our "stuff" gets in the way which can block deep connections.

What occurs to me is that this "stuff" is so often our shame.

As I sat and contemplated all of this today, a client "ironically" emailed me the link to Brene Brown's video on shame. Timing???

I had seen this when it first came out and hadn't seen it since. I watched it again today and heard so many new points that I had missed the first time. If you have seen it in the past, I encourage you to watch it again. It's so good!

We cannot connect deeply with another if we are not being vulnerable and feel supported by another. What's ironic is that to support someone else is also being not only empathetic but also vulnerable.

What this means to me is that both parties must step into their vulnerability, acknowledge their shame but don't let it stop you, in order to connect deeply.

This is really moving....enjoy. Love you all.

Feeling Busy? Try Segment Intending to Visualize Your Desired Outcomes

Today it seemed like I had a list of things to do with very little time. I reviewed what I needed to get done and felt some stress come over me. Then I caught myself and remembered that because of the Law of Attraction (like thoughts and actions attract like thoughts and actions) if I stay in my stressed out place, more and more stress will come. However, the empowered me knew, if I create wisely, everything will get done in a timely manner stress-free! So how do we do this when our list is a mile long with very little time? Segment Intending.

Segment Intending is an intentional, focused creation in segments. Intention can be broken down throughout the day or simply for one activity. The key is that we spend focused time on how we would like the outcome to be, despite what others may say or our past experiences. For example, if we hear that the wait staff at a new restaurant that we want to try is rude, do we want to go to the restaurant expecting to have rude service OR do we create and intend for a new experience, a happy, fun waitstaff, and a great meal.

Using my day as an example: I had to exchange an item at the pet store, get a week’s worth of groceries and find 3 dressy outfits for a trip I am taking this week. I had 3 hours to do all of it. (Yes, the most stressful thing was finding the outfits in such a short amount of time).

So before I left my house I thought for about 2 minutes about what I had to do and then planned out my route and visualized the ease in my 3 tasks. I saw in my mind the exchange at the pet store.  There was no one in line and a clerk would be waiting to help me when I walked in. The exchange would be easy and quick (even though I did not have a receipt). I would be in and out in less than 5 minutes.

Next, I visualized my grocery shopping experience. I would walk in, focused, no distractions and would be in and out of there in 30 minutes with a week’s worth of groceries and some extras for when I am away (this would normally take me at least 60-90 minutes).

Lastly, I visualized my trip to the clothing store to find my 3 outfits for the important events that I will be attending this week while away. I will walk in and it will be as if the perfect dresses will be on the end rack, waiting for me to see them. If a dress is hidden, I will walk right up to the correct rack and pull it right out. It will be an incredibly easy and fun experience.

The outcome? The pet store was EXACTLY as I had intended, the grocery store was never quicker and I walked into one store and found 3 dresses right away and then one more store to find one more dress. I ended up buying 4 dresses because I could not decide on which one I liked more. It was the most efficient shopping experience I have ever had when buying specific outfits, and I made it home with time to spare!

Before we start each day, begin by creating the type of experiences we would like to have instead of living by default and allowing our day to just happen. Plan not only with a list but take two minutes to visualize and intend how easy and beautiful all experiences will be in our life each day.

LOVE = LOVE

Many of you have asked me if the stories in the previous post — I Challenge You — were real or made up. They are ALL REAL! I realize that it’s hard to believe that by spending 2 minutes (or less) a day feeling gratitude/appreciation about someone or something we can change relationships with whomever or whatever we are focusing on. BUT, in 2 words…THIS WORKS! I have had countless examples come in since I wrote this blog post.

But How?

When we focus on something and hold appreciation/gratitude for it we are actually filling our bodies with more light. When we fill up with more light energy we then attract more light to us.  Simply stated, light energy is love energy. Because the law of attraction is always in force, just as the law of gravity is always in force, when we fill ourselves with love we can then only attract more love into our lives! Remember, like attracts like. It’s a real simple formula and works very quickly.

The Dilemma

It’s difficult to spend time focusing on the good in someone we don’t have a great relationship with, let alone that we are upset with. Our ego/mind makes us question ourselves with ideas like, “Why would you feel love let alone gratitude for someone that has hurt you?” “Don’t let them “win” this, they need to be punished!” Our ego/mind finds a ton or reasons to keep us “right” but the problem is, whether we are right or not, it keeps us stuck where we are. We remain unhappy, uncomfortable and miserable when we think of this person,  unable to move into a healthier relationship with the person we are wanting to heal the relationship with!

Don't be right. Be happy!

So stop being right and simply be happy. The way to be happy is to spend as little as 30 seconds to 2 minutes a day on someone or something you would like to have a changed relationship with. THIS WORKS! When your mind wants to drift back into being right or not thinking thoughts of gratitude because the mind says the other person needs to be punished GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE of gratitude/appreciation with them.

My Example

I myself have had an extremely difficult 2 months with a family member. My sister and I are dealing with some family issues that arerelated to an uncle that brought much unhappiness to our family (our entire childhood) that we now have to take care of. He has dementia so he treats us badly much of the time which makes it extremely difficult to continue to do what we are doing for him. We continually hear how disappointed he is in us and angry he is. It begins to wear on us after a point.

After the first few weeks, my sister and I began to hit road blocks with insurance companies, realtors, dmv  and other people and companies we were working with on behalf of my uncle. I realized that after a few weeks of my uncle yelling at us and being so ungrateful we began to speak negatively of him and WE WERE CREATING THESE ROAD BLOCKS!

I recommended we find something we can appreciate about him, anything. This was difficult for us as our childhoods with him did not provide much if anything to be grateful for. BUT, we sat with it and found a couple things. My sister chose to see herself fishing with him and my father when she was 5 years old. I chose to see myself on his shoulders while water skiing like I used to do when I was 8. Those 2 experiences brought us joy. We began to focus on these whenever a negative thought would come in and we wanted to complain about him. Things began to turn around in days for us, everything began to fall into place. It was magical and amazing how fast things changed.

We learned such a great lesson in those few weeks. We learned how quickly we can change our lives with thought.

Key Points

  1. Our thoughts and words manifest experiences extremely quickly.
  2. We MUST stop talking about anything negative as it will create more negativity.
  3. Find the “happy place” and hold that gratitude for 30 seconds to 2 minutes, even when that other person is not being nice to us. THIS alone can change our lives.

Don't say "I don't have time to do this." It's honestly 30 seconds a day. Who doesn't have 30 seconds to change their lives? We spend hours at the gym every week to change our bodies but we won't stay in bed an extra 30 seconds to a minute and focus on positives or appreciation to change our relationship with someone? By sticking with gratitude, we are living a life from love and can only bring more love in, it is law. LOVE =LOVE.

How do I stop the thoughts in my head?

You're in a meeting and you're the CEO. The voices around the table are all vying for your attention. Some of them are angry. Some are judgmental. Some are sad because of some choice you've made. As the CEO, what do you do? That's what we're talking about in today's vlog! Hope you take a few minutes to listen and, just maybe, take your seat as the big boss!

I Challenge You!

I challenge you to join us for a 30 day life changing activity that will take as little as 2 minutes per day. If you can follow these steps for 30 days I will GUARANTEE that your life will be different at the end of 30 days.

Here's the Plan

Pick one person that you would like to have an improved relationship with.

Find one memory, JUST ONE from the past where you felt appreciation/gratitude/enjoyment/love for them. If you honestly do not have a memory, imagine a positive experience you would like to have with them.

For at least 2 minutes per day, every day for 30 days, close your eyes and imagine the experience when you felt love/enjoyment/appreciation for that person. Imagine that the experience from the past is happening RIGHT NOW. Put yourself there; be there, fully in your emotions.  Tune into your body and notice how good it feels, you may feel lighter, your heart area opening, you may even feel tears. Whatever you feel is perfect. Just sit in it for a minimum of 2 minutes EVERY DAY.

What's Gonna Happen

Your relationship with that person will change in some way for the better. Don’t expect to know what or how it will change but it will change for the better.

Throughout the Month

Do your best not to fall into negative thinking about this person you are appreciating. If negative experiences with that person occur, FORCE YOURSELF to not see it and remember your gratitude or fond memory for that person, step back into your meditational focus to get out of your anger/frustration.

Do I have to do this with only one person?

NO! Practice this with ANYONE OR ANYTING you are in a relationship with. You can do this with a business that is not going well or one that you want to go better, a house or car that may be giving you problems or absolutely anything you have a relationship with. For example, food is another thing we all have relationships with. If you are having issues with overeating or under eating, remember a time when you had a healthy relationship with food, even if it’s from when you were 5 years old. Go back there and remember.

Proof this really works

So why waste your time for 30 days on this? BECAUSE IT WORKS!

I would NEVER suggest something that I have not had experience with. Here are a few examples.

Tracy

Tracy divorced her husband 2 years ago after verbal abuse and control issues for years. He was very angry at her for the divorce and on his weekends with the kids he had gotten to the point where he would text them from the driveway to let the kids know he was there to pick them up. He would not enter the home and definitely not speak to Tracy only through email/text.

Tracy had heard from her other divorced friend’s all of their stories about their ex-husbands and how terrible they were and that they never paid support on time or were late by months etc. Tracy realized that although she and her husband had a strained relationship, he always paid her on time. She decided to find time daily to appreciate his monthly payments coming into her account and that she never once had to ask him. She focused on this daily and had complete appreciation for the money and him directly depositing it.

Three weeks into her daily “appreciation meditation,” her husband showed up to get the kids and saw Tracy out front struggling with the power washer. He walked up to help her and explain why it wasn’t working. The next thing that happened shocked her, he then offered to buy here a new one (since this one was broken) and power wash it for her! He came the next day; power washed, then tilled her back yard and changed the light bulbs on the outside of the house. The following weekend he came back to do more work and Tracy invited him to stay for dinner as a thank you. They had a wine on the back deck, had a nice conversation where he complimented her on what she had done with the house! Needless to say, she was in shock (as he never had complimented her in 17 years of marriage). They now have a relationship that is pleasant and helpful. She wants no part of getting back together with him but loves the relationship that they have now. The ONLY thing she did to make this happen was daily appreciation of the money (as she couldn’t find anything else she liked about him!). Now she has added to her daily appreciation the money and the new relationship/friendship they have and how much easier it is to raise 4 kids with him like this.  AMAZING shift in as little as 3 weeks!

Susan

Susan had always had a strained relationship with her mother. Her mother was physically and emotionally unavailable, uncomplimentary, unsupportive and put her down for almost everything.  Growing up and now as a 43 year old, she still struggled to spend time with her. She wanted to change their relationship but didn’t know how. We searched for a memory where she could appreciate her mother. It was difficult but when stretching into childhood (age 7) she realized she felt taken care of and enjoyed the times in the summer when her parents would take her to their relatives farm and they would have so much fun together. I recommended that she step into that 7 year old child and recall the time at the farm and remember her mother smiling and laughing with her. Be the 7 year old again.

Upon doing this for only 3 days, Susan’s mother came to her house and heard Susan disciplining her children (as she has seen for years). When Susan was done, her mother commented to Susan, “You are a much better mother than I ever was.”  She was SHOCKED to hear this! She had NEVER had her mother compliment or praise her and she longed for it. All of this in only 3 days! She has continued to have her daily appreciation meditations and looks forward to more interactions with her mother.

The power behind this is mind blowing to me.  My goal is to get as many people doing this from July 1-30 as possible. If you receive this a few days into July, START TODAY, it's fine, just get started! Please pass this information along and get friends and other family members to join us for this life changing activity.

I would love your comments on this after the 30 days and if you have any questions regarding this please let me know.

Let’s make some huge changes together! Thanks for joining us.

xo,

Michelle

Manifesting in Dream State

Manifesting in Dream State

While we sleep we let go of the conscious mind, the resistant or fearful part of us, the part that says “no way,” “I’m afraid” or "that will never happen to me.” During this time of no resistance the things we have been trying to create and manifest in our lives have a way in. To take your creations to the next level, try spending the last few minutes before falling asleep in a creation mode.

Holidays as an Empath

Holidays as an Empath

Has the word overwhelmed been the daily feeling for you as you move through the holiday season? Maybe you are more fatigued or irritable than usual? Do you find yourself longing for relaxation, a nap, or isolation? 

You could be an empath.

Maintaining Peace Throughout the Holidays — Part III

My friend said to me a couple weeks ago, “How am I going to get it all done?” She said, “I am in the process of moving from one house to another house, my husband is out of the country, I have 4 kids under the age of 8 (twins under a year) and I have not even begun decorating or shopping for Christmas!”

And we thought we had it tough…

The fact of the matter is, we ALL have a ton to do and even more of it to do around the holidays. As Christmas approaches it’s as though time gets eaten up twice as fast as usual and you end the day asking yourself, “Where did the day go?”

Getting back to my friend from above, my response to her was, “Do nothing.” Well technically not nothing but for the moment you do not do a thing. What we forget to do when we get crazy busy is to pause and prioritize.

When we feel overwhelmed with a million things to do we forget that we have the universe on our side.  What I mean by this is the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction states that what you think about comes about. So if you are thinking, “I am too busy and don’t have time to get anything done!” Guess what will manifest for you? That EXACT circumstance!

So here’s the plan for manifesting exactly what you need to get done right on time.

  1. When we feel crazy busy, like we are spinning out of control, the first thing you do is STOP! Even if it’s for a couple minutes, a pause is quite necessary to give your brain a break. We must slow the ego down, this is what is driving us to “think” we have no time.
  2. Prioritize. Write a list of the things that need to get done, with the top of the list being the most important.
  3. Keep your list out in plain sight, so you can see it and others (physical and non physical) can too.
  4. Focus all of your energy on one task at a time. When #1 is done, cross it out-it’s incredibly fulfilling and gratifying to cross out a completed task.

I write my lists on a big dry erase board where I can see it and notice what I am to focus my energy on next. When we divide our energy between multiple tasks, it actually takes longer to complete each task.

What I find is that once I take my tasks and pull them from my head into the world on a board or on paper, many items get crossed off my list without me lifting a finger.

Recently, I had on my list to stop at a store in the mall to pick up a Christmas gift for a friend. A few days after I had added this to my “to do list” a friend of mine called me to talk and when I asked her where she was going, it turned out she was walking into the mall to go to the same store I needed and was happy to pick up the gift I needed.

Things like this happen ALL THE TIME for me. I put on my board that I want new office space. I have yet to drive around looking for space but have had 3 clients in 2 weeks come in to tell me about perfect office space, exactly what I am looking for. All because I paused for a moment, decided what kind of office space I wanted and wrote it down (which launched it out into the great universe), the space can now find me. It’s that simple. During this holiday season, pause and set your priorities. Allow the universe to cross off some of your “to do’s.” It will make your life magically easier.